Alter-Egos

Disclaimer: I do NOT actually hear voices.

I was preparing for Physics tuition when she came online. I hesitated for a while, and turned to my textbook, deciding that it was all for the best when I was accosted by a rather rude alter-ego.

Inner Daniel: What in the world are you doing? Talk to her!
Me: Would you please stop popping into my head without first knocking? It’s alarming, and rude.
Inner Daniel: Yeah yeah, whatever. Next you will be asking me to bring a door-gift.
Me: …
Inner Daniel: Anyway, come on, talk to her.
Me: Nah, she just came online. If I talk to her now, it seems so desperate, like I’m waiting specially for her.
Inner Daniel: Here’s an update: YOU ARE!
Me: No I’m not! I’m revising Physics. She does not come into the equation at all.
Inner Daniel: Yeah yeah, whatever. Maybe you refuse to admit it, but subconsciously, you just want to find out how she has been and whether she’s okay.
Me: And how would you know, Mr Alter-ego who’s just a voice?
Inner Daniel: Simple, I’m your subconscious remember.
Me: …
Inner Daniel: And I’m no longer just a voice now. The alter-egos of the world held this huge convention in Geneva recently, and we decided that it was demeaning for us to be heard and not seen. And I actually met the alter-egos of some of your friends.
Me: I'm sure you did. Anyway, you mean all the alter-egos in the world attended this convention, and agreed that from now on, alter-egos will be seen and heard?
Inner Daniel: Well not all came. There were a couple of old fogies who disagreed with our views. They refused to come and wanted to vote by telepathy. Wanted to be heard and not seen. We simply disregarded their votes.
Me: How transparent.
Inner Daniel: Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, it’s time to unveil my new look. When I just want to look casual, for those occasions when I’m just cruising along…

[There’s a puff of smoke and a hazy human silhouette can be seen]

Me: What the? Tom Cruise?!
Inner Daniel: Yeah, anything wrong?
Me: Duh, my alter-ego is now the living twin of Tom Cruise.
Inner Daniel: All right already. How about this? When I want a little more depth…

[There’s a puff of smoke and a hazy human silhouette can be seen]

Me: Johnny Depp?! Oh for goodness sakes…
Inner Daniel: There isn’t any pleasing you, is there? One last try. When I’m pitting with someone else…

[You know the drill]

Me: Brad Pitt?! Would you stop with these celebrities, and the bad puns?
Inner Daniel: Yeah yeah, whatever.

[Morphs to become a twin of me]

Me: How in the world do you just morph around?
Inner Daniel: It’s all about imagining the possibilities. After all, I’m just a figment of your imagination. Anyway, it has been five minutes since she came online. You no longer have an excuse. Talk to her!
Me: Nah I shouldn’t. I mean she has exams now and I’ll simply be disturbing her.
Inner Daniel: All right. Then wish her good luck for her exams then.
Me: I already did that last week. It’ll be so obvious I’m trying to chat her up.
Inner Daniel: Do you know what your problem is? You are too worried about what she thinks of you.
Me: I just can’t help it. I don’t know why. And it’s really weird: I can give presentations to principals and teachers, sell to prospective students and parents, chat normally to girls, but the moment I see her, I get all tongue-tied.
Inner Daniel: See what happens when you like someone too much? You become way too nervous.
Inner Daniel: Anyway, I don’t think there’s any chance that you’ll talk to her today, so I’m calling it a day. I’ve got a date, so tata~!.
Me: …

[A puff of smoke erupts, and a girl appears]

Inner Daniel: Daniel, meet Inner xxxxxxx. See, I wasn't lying right.
Inner xxxxxxx: Charmed I’m sure.
Me: Uh uh.. howdy.. umm.. I mean hello.
Inner xxxxxxx: Relax, don’t get so tongue-tied. I’m just an astral projection.
Inner Daniel: Hate to break up the party but we’re late.
Me: Late? If you guys can zip across continents in a flash, why is time even a factor?
Inner Daniel: Well, true, but ah well… Anyway, I’ll see you later. We are going to attend the premiere of Interview with an Alter-ego.
Me: Interview with an Alter-ego?
Inner Daniel: Yes, it’s this play about humans who pretend to be alter-egos.
Me: And these human roles are acted by alter-egos who are essentially pretending to be humans?
Inner Daniel: Yes, isn’t it so avant-garde?
Me: Figures.

[The two disappear in a puff of smoke]

Me: Maybe I should wish her good luck for her exams. After all, Inner Daniel seems to know his stuff.

[I look at the screen and realise that she has gone offline]

Me: How unfortunate. Ah well…