Religious Faith

Today was OSC day, and thus, instead of our usual gourmet fare from the cookhouse, we had to settle for plain old chicken by old man Col Sanders. Now, before we started to eat, our resident atheist (if you are actually just an agnostic in disguise, I apologise) asked if anyone wanted to say Grace.

This sparked off much introspection: here’s a man who is firmly anti-religion, someone who threatened to disembowel me when I called him a catholic, someone who I wouldn’t bet against burning crosses and bibles; yet, ironically, he had the decency to ask if we wanted to adhere to our religious practices, and I, a self-professed Christian, was more busy with the chicken (the KFC chicken). For shame honestly, for shame.

And yet it wouldn’t matter as much had this been an isolated event, a momentary lapse of willpower in the face of temptations like chicken (again, the KFC chicken), but it wasn’t. It was simply yet another instance in a long line of impious acts.

I remember what my Pastor once said: “The biggest problem facing the Christian community is that too many of us are Christians only on Sundays.” I’m not a Sunday-only Christian; I’m a crisis-only Christian. It seems that I turn to God only when I’m beleaguered and in the greatest need of an emotional or spiritual crutch. I became deeply religious when my aunt, one of my closest relatives in Singapore, died this year, but as the pain subsided, so did my religious faith.

Or perhaps “religious faith” is the wrong phrase, for it seems to connote a lack of belief in the existence of God and his miracles. I do believe in the greatness of God, but the inertia is simply too great. I went to church twice last year, and on both occasions I was invited by a well-meaning Michelle. But now that she’s in Penn, there’s simply no one to help drag me to church.

Somehow all my other responsibilities seem to have higher priority; and yet, when I’m in need of succour, I go crying back to God, expecting him to help even though I pay him scant attention the rest of the time.

有事钟无艳，无事夏迎春

I’m truly ashamed and penitent. But I wonder if that will translate to action?