Duels

For the longest time I’ve been dreaming of living in the Victorian era. The country houses, the lavish balls, the pretentious mannerisms; surely it must all fit me. Alas, I’m stuck here in the mundane present where people gyrate in smoke-filled rooms instead of waltzing in chandelier-lit ballrooms. Not to mention they don’t even bow or curtsy when asking for a dance. Oh, for humanity’s sake!

Indeed, I had written off society as a cesspool of moral deprivation. Thus imagine my astonishment when Mr. Pang challenged me to a duel. How quaint, thought I, but how much pleasure it must surely afford. “Rapiers or pistols,” enquired I, adding that my second would meet his to arrange the time and terms of the duel.

“Neither,” replied he, “Warcraft III will do fine. And no seconds.”

No seconds, no pistols, no rapiers. Unheard of, thought I, but I soon decided that these could be overlooked. History was, after all, in the making, or rather, re-making.

Thus began the fateful duel to the death…

To those unfamiliar with Warcraft III, the first order of the day is to choose a race and a hero. Now, my worthy opponent chose the savage Orcs, which, in my opinion, while possessing fearsome combat abilities, possess even more fearsome eating habits. Indeed, their table-manners, or lack of, still send a chill down my spine. However, though reluctant, I had to, in the spirit of fairness, choose the same race as my opponent.

I chose the Far-Seer as my hero, an obvious choice seeing he was the only “mounted” hero. Sure, riding on a wolf is not exactly the same as riding a horse, but it was better than running around on foot. Why, I may have gotten my boots dirtied.

Once properly equipped, heroes start “Creeping,” an activity almost analogous to hunting. Heroes look for prey to hunt and gain items and experience in the process, but unlike the rabbits and foxes in the gentlemanly sport of hunting, creeps bite back. They really ought to know their place in society. Appalling manners really.

But their indecorum was soon eclipsed by the behaviour of my opponent, Mr. Pang, who soon arrived at the grounds where I was hunting creeps. Etiquette dictated that one should wait one’s turn when hunting. I was there first, and I naturally expected him to find his own creep but, to my great shock, he promptly shot at my prey! How rude, thought I, and just as I was about to confront him, he attacked me!

What an utter lack of decorum! What an affront to civil society!

Disclaimer: For those who don’t get it, this post is meant to be farcical. The truth is that I got pwned by the better player, and I don’t see any shame in that. Kudos to Terence, and subsequently Wan Yuan.