Cooking Disasters

I just realised that my cooking experience, short as it may be, has been fraught with comical situations.

Disaster 1: Chocolate Truffles

The instructions were simple enough: add two tablespoons of alcohol to melted chocolate. Fool-proof? Perhaps, but not Daniel-proof. In my moment of sheer stupidity, I positioned my measuring spoon right above the chocolate (in a bowl) and started pouring. The first tablespoon was fine, like the tranquil scene that precedes the scary parts in horror-flicks. But, halfway through the second tablespoon, the bottle slipped.




Well, I wanted to make alcoholic chocolate truffles, but I wound up with chocolaty-alcohol.

Disaster 2: Chicken Français

FIRST ACT

SCENE

The kitchen in my apartment. Three aspiring cooks are watching over a pot of chicken being simmered.

Kok Heng: How many more minutes before the chicken is done?
Me: It has been in there for fifteen minutes already, so give it another five minutes.
Ken: Umm, what’s that? (pointing to a bowl of minced shallots)
Kok Heng: Oh no, that ought to have been in there ages ago. (points at pot while reading the recipe)
All three: Oh shit!

[A flurry of activities proceed as the intrepid heroes try to save the day by throwing the shallots into the pot, while avoiding the steam that erupts once the lid is removed]

SECOND ACT

SCENE

The kitchen, where the indefatigable trio are preparing the sauce.

Me: Lets see, fresh lemon juice. (pours juice into a saucepan filled with chicken broth and starts mixing)
Ken: Umm, the recipe calls for two teaspoons of lemon sauce.
Me: Yeah, why? (continues mixing)
Kok Heng: Oh no, you used two tablespoons*.
All three: Oh shit!

*One tablespoon is three times that of a teaspoon

THIRD ACT

SCENE

The dining room where the aspiring cooks are about to sample their creation.

Ken: Hmm, this wine is pretty low grade. Too bland for words. Never tasted worse wine. (swirls a glass of wine)
Kok Heng: Well, bon appetite.

[All three begin eating]

Kok Heng: Well at least the chicken’s cooked, but it’s a little bland. If there were some condiments, it would be perfect.
Ken: Ah I know. Could we have some chili sauce please? (beckons to my maid)
Me: Chili sauce?! Who needs chili sauce when we have home-cooked French sauce. (Beckons maid to ignore Ken’s request and instead serve the French sauce)

[All three ladle sauce over their chicken]

Me: I can’t taste anything but lemon. Ewww, and what are these lumps?
Ken: Shallots, but they ought to be softer. And come to think of it, we forgot to strain the sauce too.
All three: Oh shit.
Kok Heng: I think the chicken without any condiments is perfect.
Ken: I think the wine is the best part of the meal, and on second thought, the wine is pretty good.
Me: I think we need some chili sauce. (beckons to maid)