Birthdays and Persians

I’ve rediscovered Civilization Three and these last few days have been spent trying to wage intercontinental wars and launch nuclear missiles without causing global warming. Today, when I was leading the immortal Persians against the rest of the world…

Military Adviser: Emperor Daniel, the Aztecs are massing troops on our eastern border. What are your orders?
Me: What’s the situation on the western front?
Military Adviser: My lord, our scouts report that the second Chinese expeditionary force has managed to link up with their initial army and is currently regrouping near Susa.
Domestic Advisor: The Satrap of Susa reports that morale of the people is low due to repeated drafting and loss of lives due to construction of walls and moats.
Me: What’s the status of my Immortal squadron? What is their estimated time of arrival?
Military Advisor: We…

However, my quest for global domination was rudely halted. By a carrier pigeon? By a palace coup? Nay: I was interrupted by my mother who had called me from Taiwan to enquire about her son’s health. Now, to cut a long story short, after I put down the phone and got back to plotting the demise of those two civilizations, I was again rudely interrupted by my father who reminded me that it was my mother’s birthday today, and that my mother was hurt by my apparent amnesia. To cut a long story short, what ensued was a new round of long-distance calls, frantic family members and Persia nearly being caught in a pincer attack.

I wonder if I can be considered an ingrate. My mother spends the whole week worrying about my health (I’ve been sick for a week) and I forget her birthday. And I’m more worried about Susa falling to the Chinese.

Well, I certainly do know what I would call myself if I forgot my son’s birthday. An idiot, not for forgetting his birthday, but for having a son. Now, I’m quite opposed to children, and I’m particularly against sons. Sons are useless, and will probably run around the house pretending to be Persian Immortals or great conquerors. Not to mention they forget birthdays.

Addenum: I managed to stave off the Chinese invasion. They chose a long march through the mountains thinking that they would be safe from my Immortals, to which I responded with concentrated catapult fire. At the same time, I attacked the Chinese landing ships, thereby depriving their land forces of immediate and future reinforcements. The Aztec invasion didn’t materialize: I figure they were trying to capitalize on my conflict and thus retreated when I routed the Chinese army. Damn Aztecs, you will taste Persian steel soon.